shiroi_ten (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shiroi_ten) wrote2011-11-18 01:41 am
shiroi_ten) wrote2011-11-18 01:41 am
Entry tags:
avalanches of the violent disharmony
:) New layout and icon. Also, I want to use "sith" in a sentence. Its Shakespearean for "since" AND ITS BEAUTIFUL. <333 I also keep on thinking in anons and shalls. because they are pretty. and 'tween and 'twixt and umbrage as shadow. Also because they are fun to say.
cut for rl shiznits and stress relief. tl;dr warning
My grandmother has recently passed away, and I feel an odd disassociation with it all. I am having such a "The Stranger" French existentialist moment right now. Opening lines? replace with grandmere and that is SO ME. My mom called me when I had gotten home at 5; I was home alone and it was just like; hey you grandma is dead I need your uncle's number. I think that was last Thursday. or Tuesday. SEE WHAT I MEAN. Its like I erased it because I can't process this. I mean, I never thought my hardy, ornery grandma would be the first to go. Cancer. I wonder if its genetics, or what she lived through-the communist regime back then, so much history I'll never know. I didn't know her. (My other grandma wandered off today and got lost and could only remember my little cousin and all she knows is Cantonese so its scary and I wasn't even there but my heart skipped a beat). So. Don't even know her age, another thing I can quote the book on. Just add ten years to "about sixty" and bam, that's me and my bro. and my dad. So I've been dazed through the debate tournament where I failed, dazed through school where no one knows my grandma died because its not worth the O-o and I'm Sorry and the...cliches. So I say I'm visiting family and I laugh when they tell me to have fun. Its ironic. Its morbidly ironic. And I don't know; I am seeing my relatives from overseas that I haven't seen in forever. But I feel like the butt of a joke, I don't know what I am doing at the vigil tomorrow. My dad laughs at things. Am I going to be a ghost? What are chinese funerals all about? I am kneeling for hours. Ok. But. What else? Instead of lie back and think of england will it be kneel down and think of happy thoughts? brown paper packages tied up in string arriving on wednesday? hamlet soliloquies? I'm so lost. So yes, I feel the french existentialism creeping on to me. hahah but i'll get over it. I think.
And then today fluffy, our dog, has this tumor under his eye that legit looks like a tumor and we are poor and vets cost so much for just a diagnosis that my dad is kind of :( about euthanisia and I am like father I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT and my bro is like o--o and we have him at my aunt's house to look after and I miss him already. My last dog had cancer too, but on his foot. He was put down last year at the old, old age of 17 and it was so bad in the last days. My mom mostly took care of him and my dad has never seen dogs as ~family. Taking him to the vet on Monday. Funerals are expensive. I don't know who is paying. I only knew relatives were coming yesterday. I don't know...anything.
Have a 4-6 page essay on Hamlet's dust to dust theme due Monday. Just started writing my outline and its a jimble jamble. I have to have to find time to work on it in between the vigil and funeral and relatives and dinner and moving things out of the apartment and driving because I get carsick if I read words. But I do love the words. I am kind of...~waiting for the funeral to gain some insight into this whole death thing. Things just seem much too apt. So I'm sitting during the lecture rapt, and I feel so confused when people are like, Meursault is STUPID and I'm like....who said you have to like him? and people say he does nothing. and I'm like THAT'S THE POINT. /0\ but I love them as people, we just don't share literary tastes. xDDD
I wish I had had the patience to read Shakespeare's tragedies sooner. <3 "As peace should...stand a comma 'tween their amities" <333 I love text, and how he put this imagery together. it's just. guuuh.
Also watched The History Boys and I am in love. French scene at the brothel? Hilarious. Posner and Hector and Harding? Poignant, beautiful, touching, and so so applicable.
I'm sorry there is nothing :D really, but my nails are this amazing brown/taupe color that goes with red and purple so well and it is beautiful. Its Essie's mink muffs. <333 not my fingers btw. Since I have stopped playing piano my thumb has shrunk so its not a 6.5 almost 7 anymore and my ring is huge and flies off if I am too enthusiastic. Its a trinity ring of horrible worksmanship I bought in Taiwan and I adore it. lol mom, I've gotten skinnier! My fingers! have lost muscle mass! mom"..." *pokes my tummy* But actually I haven't seen her in weeks and I have...no idea how she is.
Here, a gif.
:) Tell me happymaking things?
cut for rl shiznits and stress relief. tl;dr warning
My grandmother has recently passed away, and I feel an odd disassociation with it all. I am having such a "The Stranger" French existentialist moment right now. Opening lines? replace with grandmere and that is SO ME. My mom called me when I had gotten home at 5; I was home alone and it was just like; hey you grandma is dead I need your uncle's number. I think that was last Thursday. or Tuesday. SEE WHAT I MEAN. Its like I erased it because I can't process this. I mean, I never thought my hardy, ornery grandma would be the first to go. Cancer. I wonder if its genetics, or what she lived through-the communist regime back then, so much history I'll never know. I didn't know her. (My other grandma wandered off today and got lost and could only remember my little cousin and all she knows is Cantonese so its scary and I wasn't even there but my heart skipped a beat). So. Don't even know her age, another thing I can quote the book on. Just add ten years to "about sixty" and bam, that's me and my bro. and my dad. So I've been dazed through the debate tournament where I failed, dazed through school where no one knows my grandma died because its not worth the O-o and I'm Sorry and the...cliches. So I say I'm visiting family and I laugh when they tell me to have fun. Its ironic. Its morbidly ironic. And I don't know; I am seeing my relatives from overseas that I haven't seen in forever. But I feel like the butt of a joke, I don't know what I am doing at the vigil tomorrow. My dad laughs at things. Am I going to be a ghost? What are chinese funerals all about? I am kneeling for hours. Ok. But. What else? Instead of lie back and think of england will it be kneel down and think of happy thoughts? brown paper packages tied up in string arriving on wednesday? hamlet soliloquies? I'm so lost. So yes, I feel the french existentialism creeping on to me. hahah but i'll get over it. I think.
And then today fluffy, our dog, has this tumor under his eye that legit looks like a tumor and we are poor and vets cost so much for just a diagnosis that my dad is kind of :( about euthanisia and I am like father I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT and my bro is like o--o and we have him at my aunt's house to look after and I miss him already. My last dog had cancer too, but on his foot. He was put down last year at the old, old age of 17 and it was so bad in the last days. My mom mostly took care of him and my dad has never seen dogs as ~family. Taking him to the vet on Monday. Funerals are expensive. I don't know who is paying. I only knew relatives were coming yesterday. I don't know...anything.
Have a 4-6 page essay on Hamlet's dust to dust theme due Monday. Just started writing my outline and its a jimble jamble. I have to have to find time to work on it in between the vigil and funeral and relatives and dinner and moving things out of the apartment and driving because I get carsick if I read words. But I do love the words. I am kind of...~waiting for the funeral to gain some insight into this whole death thing. Things just seem much too apt. So I'm sitting during the lecture rapt, and I feel so confused when people are like, Meursault is STUPID and I'm like....who said you have to like him? and people say he does nothing. and I'm like THAT'S THE POINT. /0\ but I love them as people, we just don't share literary tastes. xDDD
I wish I had had the patience to read Shakespeare's tragedies sooner. <3 "As peace should...stand a comma 'tween their amities" <333 I love text, and how he put this imagery together. it's just. guuuh.
Also watched The History Boys and I am in love. French scene at the brothel? Hilarious. Posner and Hector and Harding? Poignant, beautiful, touching, and so so applicable.
I'm sorry there is nothing :D really, but my nails are this amazing brown/taupe color that goes with red and purple so well and it is beautiful. Its Essie's mink muffs. <333 not my fingers btw. Since I have stopped playing piano my thumb has shrunk so its not a 6.5 almost 7 anymore and my ring is huge and flies off if I am too enthusiastic. Its a trinity ring of horrible worksmanship I bought in Taiwan and I adore it. lol mom, I've gotten skinnier! My fingers! have lost muscle mass! mom"..." *pokes my tummy* But actually I haven't seen her in weeks and I have...no idea how she is.
Here, a gif.
:) Tell me happymaking things?